Why You "See" Life Through Your "Stories"

Our brain is hard-wired to assign meaning to experiences, see patterns, and connect them to form our story. Our narratives represent our attempt to make sense of the world and how we participate in it. Our stories demonstrate how we are attempting to understand who we are, what our growth process has yielded so far, and how we want to live in the future.

We frame our identity by integrating what has happened to us so far into an evolving story of the self, thus, providing us with a sense of unity and purpose. Self-narratives shape the lens of who we are, how we behave, thus molding individual identity.

A central function of constructing our story of life and accompanying self-narratives is that it enables us to order life’s experiences, discover what has meaning, and give us insight as to why we make the choices we do.

Knowing the Self through Self Narratives

In our formative years, we assign meaning to experiences according to the cognitive capacities of our awareness. In the first 7 years of life, we are laying the foundation of our story by recording our experiences, writing the narratives associated with those memories based on the meaning we have assigned to them and then cataloging them within our memory. From these stories, we learn the rules, and develop the structure, and meaning of how life works—at least from the limited capacity and perspective we have to catalogue those stories at a young age.

Over time our stories become a lens, framing how we see, interpret, and believe things work. This process defines what we have learned and how we establish habits to perform basic tasks. Some of our stories are adaptive, logical, and consistent within a context that is based upon our current capacity. As result, our stories are a perfect mirror, reflecting our representation of our world as we see it.

Our “dot-to-dot” Picture

The creation of either imagined restrictions or lofty visions represent the best or worst of the human condition and are forged and framed from the stories we create and keep in our mind. In essence, our story, is constructed by a dot-to-dot configuration, with each dot representing significant personal experiences that are meaningful—whether positive or negative. When we connect all the dots, in minute detail, the picture of our life story appears, authored by us moment by moment!

There will be certain new dots—which exert their influence and move us to reconfigure our evolving narratives. In these moments, if we assign positive meaning to an experience (e.g., hope, faith, optimism, belief), we are invited to broaden and build our perspectives. Whereas if we assign a negative meaning to a given situation (e.g., shame, doubt, fear), our mindset may likely constrict creating a future of negative views or limited possibilities. Either way, whether we assign positive or negative meanings to an experience, it will reprioritize our values, and re-calibrate our psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

It’s important to understand that our narratives are not an exhaustive repertoire of everything that happens to us. Rather, we make narrative choices. We selectively remember and focus on the most relevant and impactful events of our lives, good and bad, because those are the moments that we are required to make sense of, those are the experiences that shape our identity.[i] These defining “moments” become what we call meaning anchors. Meaning anchors are anything that we consider to be vital and important, and for which we feel strong emotional value and behavioral commitment to. Like an actual anchor used to secure a vessel to the bed of the ocean floor to prevent the craft from drifting due to wind or current, we create meaning anchors that secure and hold us in a specific meaning mindset, holding on to specific beliefs, attitudes, and expectations, not to be moved by external forces. Our brains are constantly observing, recording, and storing the meaning anchors in our story.

The Hidden Influence of our Story

As we deeply explore the idea of how we create stories, it’s valuable to understand that the subconscious and unconscious parts of our mind contain a library of programs written from past experiences that guide our responses to the circumstances of life. When we experience anything that is similar to our past experiences—whether in our thoughts or by way of our emotions—the programs of our past strongly affect what we see and therefore, how we assign meaning. This process in turn affects what we feel, and eventually how we act. Unless we develop a higher level of awareness about the subconscious and unconscious influence, it all keeps playing out quietly below the surface of our conscious perception.

Reflect On It

Our story and self-narrative form the lens that enables us to order life’s experiences, discover what has meaning, and provides us with insight as to why we act the way we do. We selectively remember and focus on the most relevant and impactful events of our lives, good and bad, because they are the moments that we believe we are required to make sense of to survive, they are the experiences that shape our identity.[ii] These defining “moments” become meaning anchors. It’s vital to understand that the subconscious and unconscious parts of our mind contain a library of programs written from past experiences that guide our responses to the circumstances of life. Unless we develop a higher level of awareness about the stimulus these subconscious and unconscious records exert, they will keep playing out quietly below the surface of our conscious perception.

So, now what?

It’s critical for you to recognize, that the lens you’re looking through and interpreting life from, comes from the narratives that are filtering data and assigning meaning. For the next few days, merely pay attention to the narratives that are shaping your life. Are they expressing the best in you and others?

If not, begin to challenge them!

[i] Smith E. E. (2017). The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness. Broadway Books, New York. p. 107.

[ii] Smith E. E. (2017). The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness. Broadway Books, New York. p. 107.